What would you do? In this situation?

I hate living, I can't stand that I can't bring myself to do it. I carry a burden, which is hard to cope. I fell the friends I have manipulation my situation into make me feel lesser then them. I do this for you, you owe me kind of thing. I was adopted was physical abused, punch, spit on, kicked and name calling till I was 18. Kick out ended up pregnant by I guy who later on became abusive. I later went to a shelter when I had no other place to go. I meant a guy, who I became overly obsessed with, and who doesn't like my race African American race.but said he cared and whated to be with me. Blinded that he had a girlfriend and beats her. I decided to leave knowingly the end result of staying. I moved from place to place, and never anything to call home. I will always be the one, buying Chrismas present for myself, And spending ever holiday alone. I have a job, I envy a better life. My own house, and not stay with people who think they own me. I what to be respected as a person. I was thinking is the navy would be a good fit for me build me as a person.I can't trust anyone, I feel I grow colder and colder.